We’ve largely tamed the earth, but modern society, with its isolation and easy access to sugar, scrolling, texting, and captivating content, doesn’t set us up for success. We live in a challenging time filled with psychological predators preying on our vulnerabilities and hijacking our base instincts.
Yet, the battle can’t be won through sheer willpower and strength. Only by changing our daily routines, systems, and tools can we shift from escapism to engagement. Fortunately, humans have adapted to diverse environments throughout history, and we can do it again.
This is serious stuff. How we spend our precious time is a reflection of who we are. Here are eight common escapist pitfalls that hinder our goals.
1. Mindless Scrolling
Imagine a smart pantry that refills whatever food you eat or a romantic date that continually tops up your wine glass. This isn’t a good dynamic.
Do Instead: Treat scrolling like snacking – set a timer and choose when to scroll. Enjoy the break and transition to a focused activity instead of aimless relaxation.
2. Binge Watching
Similar to binge-eating, binge-watching offers comfort and a way to avoid feelings. If we are successful, these feelings come back even stronger right before we try to go to sleep, but we are less able to deal with them.
Do Instead: Plan what you’re going to watch (maintain a watchlist) and don’t hesitate to watch a second episode. However, a third is too much unless it’s a watch party. Find comfort by putting your hand over your heart, by drinking tea, or by ultimately connecting with others and disclosing what you are trying to avoid.
3. Obsession
If scrolling is numbing, obsessing involves hyper-focusing to the detriment of our health, relationships, and goals. Common obsessions include pornography and addiction to news with its facade of respectability.
Do Instead: Monitor how much time you spend on your obsessions and assess their impact on more important aspects of your life. Adjust the dosage accordingly. When engaging with an obsession, take a deep breath, and approach it from a grounded, less anxious place. Enjoy it more fully. If you can’t do this, it has become an addiction.
4. Prioritizing Others
It’s common to neglect ourselves by putting others’ needs above our own. This is most common with our kids, but it happens with our relatives, clients, and friends. In reality, we must connect with ourselves before truly connecting with others, and specifically, with our children, how we interact with them matters more than what we do for them.
Do Instead: During routine activities like brushing your teeth, contemplate your wants and needs for the day. Prioritize them. Consider changing your phone’s wallpaper to a childhood picture of yourself as a reminder of your duty to nurture your hopes and dreams.
5. Distraction by the Mundane
Excessive busyness, endless emails, and household tasks often mask the secondary benefits we gain from these behaviors. What anxieties or issues does this focus on the mundane prevent us from addressing?
Do Instead: Complete the minimum necessary and let go unless it’s a designated “deep clean” or “email zero” day. Resist the urge to check your email again. Avoid getting lost in the details. Make space for the sacred and for recovery.
6. Low-Quality Social Interactions
Engaging in low-quality socializing drains our energy and scratches an itch but rarely leads to genuine joy or connection. Embrace your true boredom and loneliness as catalysts for action. Pain motivates us to overcome the awkwardness of putting ourselves out socially.
Do Instead: Use WhatsApp on your computer for faster texting, and then put it away for the evening. Create a call list of people you’d like to chat with, and make unplanned calls for short, engaging conversations. Keep your phone on a charging station (not in your pocket) at home when prioritizing connecting with those around you.
7. Substance Abuse
Alcohol, marijuana, sugar, and shisha offer temporary relief but take a toll. Use these substances to connect and expand rather than disconnect and self-destruct. If you’re using them just to feel okay, it’s a sign of a problem.
Do Instead: Use your substance of choice socially or replace it with tea, meditation, sauna, etc. If you’re concerned about your usage, take a 28-day break, observe yourself, and reintroduce the substance in a way that serves your priorities.
8. Escapist Fantasy
Our fantasies reveal what we’re missing, not necessarily what we want. They provide insight into our pain and desires. Common fantasies include sexual, escapist (quitting jobs or relationships, moving away), violent (revenge), and even the plausible (planning trysts or exciting travel and adventures).
Do Instead: Journal about your fantasies, and explore what’s beneath them. Discuss with a friend to understand their meaning and integrate these discoveries into your life in a way that aligns with your goals and values.
Conclusion
No matter your escapist tendencies, be kind to yourself. This leads to deeper, longer-lasting change. Let your inner curiosity guide you in solving the puzzle that is yourself. Self-judgment and criticism are counterproductive, and there’s no need for shame. As you shift from evenings filled with escapism to meaningful engagement, you’ll find yourself more emotionally vibrant and more recharged – You’ll be more you.
This is the human condition. Without structure and ancestral knowledge, we are essentially clever apes largely ruled by impulse and the seasons. But when you give us wisdom and tools, we can modify our environments, interactions, and thrive. We become less vulnerable to the whims of weather and internal states, allowing us to become our higher selves – closer to who we were meant to be.